He chants with particular stress on the repetitive words, reminding himself with the weight of the syllables, the strain on the breath, what a waste it is to live forever: “If I could, in any way, cease to start and start to end, I’d call my soul a blessing. At least a little movement towards the middle would be kind! But as life begins again and again, restart from start, day and day, I can only call it chronic hell.
“I begin the goal, but that only begins three more. And none of them are ever finished.
“Oh the only time I’m ever satisfied is when I gorge myself to tears. And even then, my guts are only beginning to unwind, my flesh only beginning to expand. The more I feed it, the more I grow. That is until the day I begin to decay.
“The only way to stop this is to never eat again. Stifle the Will, kill it off! But then I am only beginning to starve.
“When daisies look like hands from out the grave,
Reaching up with white claws, eager for the sun,
I think on my wolfish hunger
And settle with the claim the world’s profane.
Life devours life, if only to continue;
It’s something like the chariot blazing on,
No care what bodies twist beneath its wheels—
A cruelty we all contribute to
By faculty of having hearts that circulate.
Better was the ape, so long ago,
Withdrew from the continuance of things.
What remains are we opposites now,
Happy with these urges that impassion us
To strive, to kill, to eat and glut on time;
Buoyant when the feeling is that Earth is home,
And that love dissolves our atrocities.”
COUNTERPOINT: The buzzing air taps the dieter, delivers him a fright—
“The salmon fighting, flying, and the sweeping waves,
Bear jaws and the unconquerable force marine,
All to return to the origin, continue life,
Thoroughly exhausted, but birthing, giving, thriving;
Population swell and it is happy for its bitter miles.
The penguin, one-thump death away, braves the arctic dark,
Barely a movement all season, all to deliver a babe
And celebrate there’s ice.
These are the natural images that inspire!
You speak of swamps and stagnant things,
Mires that develop from a latency.
It’s vast energies to sprint, but more to stay.
All that hunger is, is a reminder of that fact:
You are breaking down by the breath, as is the world around you.
Do you have the spirit to repair?”
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