LOSING THE GENETIC LOTTERY

Now here’s something to think about: chances are you and I aren’t ever going to be one of the greats, one of those all-star types, one of those legends. Make-your-mama proud type of guys. Never. It feels like a dagger to the heart, I know. “Never.” It hurts. But listen: don’t let that discourage you. […]

THE LOTTERY LOSER

I once bought a lottery as a threat towards God. “God!” I said. “Listen to me! Either this is the winning ticket, or I’ll kill myself. I swear I will. I swear it! Either you make me the winner, or I’ll kill myself!” And I was serious, too.      Well God called my bluff. When the […]

AN OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE

Why is it every time I hear about how someone’s fallen into depression, I can’t help but think they’ll climb back out? Why does depression seem so beatable from the outside? Why does it look so easy to overcome? Whenever someone tells me they’re battling depression, I can’t help but secretly clap for them. I […]

WAFFLE HOUR UTOPIA

I love the first hour of the day. I even love the first two hours of the day. I eat breakfast, I catch up on the news. If I’m ambitious, I work on whatever little project fulfills me.      It’s every other hour that’s the problem. If a day were four hours long…! I’d get a […]

POLITICS FROM A WINDBAG

You know what’s wrong with this country? Every four years, there has to be an election. Just has to. That means whether two saints or two dipshits are running, one of them has to be elected. Well wouldn’t it be something else if the people said, “No?” If they actually had the balls to say […]