EULOGY FOR MY DEER-HEARTED ROOMMATE

“He was a tenderly man, had an unquenchable desire for Morality. When I told him that in order to live life, he’s going to have to offend, step on some toes, do it all wrong in the eyes of another, be called evil despite his best intentions, he refused. He thoroughly refused. ‘No! There’s a way to do it right!

“It was in our room where he died. Coming back from a month overseas, I was surprised to find all of our windows open and a lion on the bed. There were bugs all over the walls, bugs all over the floor. I would have shrieked, but he beat me to it when I took my first step. ‘Don’t you dare! You’ll kill it!’ Looking down, I saw an addled ant making its way towards a lump of sugar he had left behind.

“As he climbed into the lion’s mouth, he told me that the creature couldn’t help its appetite. To inform all of you what a noble taste it had. Oh yes, he was a good man. A saintly man. One who never did anyone wrong!”

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