Now here’s something to think about: chances are you and I aren’t ever going to be one of the greats, one of those all-star types, one of those legends. Make-your-mama proud type of guys. Never. It feels like a dagger to the heart, I know. “Never.” It hurts. But listen: don’t let that discourage you. […]
Why is it every time I hear about how someone’s fallen into depression, I can’t help but think they’ll climb back out? Why does depression seem so beatable from the outside? Why does it look so easy to overcome? Whenever someone tells me they’re battling depression, I can’t help but secretly clap for them. I […]
The shell of the nut matters as long as there’s a core. Having successfully delivered the gold, however, it is thrown away. Despised, even. There’s the response, then, you’re looking for. “Why read fiction when I can learn about things that have actually happened?” Because certain truths need their fairies to supply the message.
I’ve just come to the rather dizzying conclusion that one day, some particularly plucky chicken could come replace me and that no one would even notice. Of course, I would look different and probably smell different, too. But listen: looks and smells aren’t everything. Else we primates wouldn’t love the crotch. And yet we do. […]
Let this be a warning to all of you who wish to be inspired: don’t be. Don’t wish for the Muse! She’s a terrible pixie and—and, well, you’ll see: A wizard once loved a girl and he loved her very much. She was a darling girl and they were oh so very happy to Be. […]
It wasn’t a literal prison I found myself in, or else I wouldn’t be yapping about it. Why would I ever confess to running away from a real prison? They’d trace it right back to me and lock me up–all with a clean and cocky confession, too. No, that’d be too stupid of me. If […]
A man crosses paths with a violent sugar-drunk. I don’t know if you do this or if it’s only me, but whenever I get real down about myself and feel like pulling the trigger– –but I don’t even own a gun. I have to buy a gun first. I swear that’s the only thing keeping […]
Chinese people don’t give a damn about animals. Go ahead, feel smug. You care about animals, right? Precious, cute little things. Big eyes and a little nose! Well stop that dimple. Pack away that fifty-mile smile. Fold it up and pocket it. Because no one in the world gives a damn about fish. No one. […]
Imagine a man who’s fled to a foreign country. After a particularly hideous divorce, he can’t stand the sight of anything back home. It all reminds him of her, her, her. His lovely wife! Now his lovely ex. Oh he can’t forget her. No, no, no. Such a lovely woman…. Oh! The memory of her […]
Think of narcissism for a moment, dear fellow. What do you imagine? A vacuous girl idolizing a mirror? A beautiful boy by the pond admiring his own curls? But those are various vapid who’s. I didn’t ask you to imagine a who. I asked you to imagine a what. And so what do you imagine? […]
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